


best damn thing

by MichelleHolland (ViolaWay)



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Multi, chair is endgame, mentions of eating disorders, the blair/serena is unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-10 01:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5563312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaWay/pseuds/MichelleHolland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Blair Waldorf character study.</p>
            </blockquote>





	best damn thing

 

She's putting the finishing touches to her make-up when the phone's alert chimes, breaking through her concentration and veering the lipstick slightly off course. Cursing softly, she dabs at it with some tissue, picking up the phone with her free hand. 

"Hey, Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here, and I have the biggest news ever. One of my many sources - melanie91 - sends us this: 'Spotted at Grand Central Station, bags in hand, Serena van der Woodsen.' Was it only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared for "boarding school"? And just as suddenly, she's back. Don't believe me? See for yourselves. Lucky for us, melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel."

Blair winces as she observes the grainy shot of her so-called "best friend". Serena looks as radiant as ever, of course. Even after the commute, and even in a last season brown leather jacket, she's beautiful. More beautiful than Blair could ever be (or have). 

Minutes later, the smell of vomit floods the bathroom. 

It's another long moment before Blair can bring herself to read the remainder of the blast, composure regained, pacing back and forth. 

"Spotted - Lonely Boy. Can't believe the love of his life has returned...if only she knew who he was. But EVERYONE knows Serena, and everyone is talking. Wonder what Blair Waldorf thinks." Even though she's been waiting for the mention of her name, her brow still furrows in response; he stomach still churns. "Sure, they're BFFs, but we always thought Blair's boyfriend Nate had a thing for Serena. Better lock it down, B. Clock's ticking."

It's only when the warmth of blood fills her mouth that she realises she's been chewing on the inside of her lip. It's true: something has to be done, quickly. Before Serena ruins everything. 

Checking her reflection a final time (dress just revealing enough to keep Nate and others wanting, but not so much that the other girls will whisper about it; make-up immaculate and hair drawn back by a ridiculously expensive hair band) she nods to herself decisively and ventures out of the safety of the bathroom, steeling herself.

Naturally, the first person she sees is her mother.

“Blair, if you’re gonna wear one of my designs, tell me so we can at least get it properly fitted.” Blair looks down at herself, at the dress she'd thought she looked fine in just moments earlier. At least she's no longer under that illusion.

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll keep that in mind,” she mutters icily, face flushing as both her mom and the woman next to her look her up and down, dissecting all the faults in her appearance. “Great party.” They all chuckle politely before walking in opposite directions.

Before they’re entirely out of earshot, Blair hears her mother say, “She is my _best_ advertisement…” It stings, but it's far from being the worst thing her mother's said to her recently. It's no surprise, with a divorce so public and messy, that Eleanor would retreat into the ugliest form of selfishness. The only victim was her daughter. 

As she heads into the next room, she spots Nate being hounded by a bunch of stuffy old adults—including his father.

“Excuse me, Captain,” she addresses him, slipping her arm into Nate’s. “Nate, can I borrow you?”

“Uh, sure. Will you excuse me for a second?” Nate says obediently as she tugs on his sleeve, fake smile bright across her face. She leads him quickly through the corridor, headed for the bedroom. People will talk; she wants them to.

“Nathaniel…” She looks for the source of the sound, and there he is: Chuck Bass. “Any interest in some fresh air?” He’s got Blair’s minions draped over him—Kati and Is—and he mimes smoking in case anyone had missed his point. One of Blair’s favourite hobbies is insulting him, but that’ll have to wait.

“When I get back?” Nate hedges.

Blair smiles. “ _If_ he gets back.” She grabs her boyfriend's hand without waiting for the vulgar response and pulls him into the bedroom. Just days ago Chuck had called her a prude (he'd been joking, but she hasn't spoken to him since) - this would prove him wrong. It would prove Gossip Girl wrong, too; Nat wasn't in love with Serena. He was in love with Blair, his attentive girlfriend of over ten years. (Well, if you counted it from their first kiss, which most people did, it was six years - but still. That was longer than a lot of marriages.)

~*~

"You're not gonna do it," Chuck said, lounging on her bed. She was perched at the bottom, painting his toenails a shade of pink that matched his pocket square. Sometimes he teased her about her 'Tarantino foot fetish', but considering he was the one who'd agreed to have his nails painted in the first place, she wasn't worried about him telling anyone about it. He wiggled his toes at her and she giggled, nearly knocking over the nail polish. 

"Am too," she replied. "We've been together for - "

"Okay, before you say 'ten years', it's six. Everyone knows it's six. You gotta stop saying ten. And anyway, you can't even say the word 'sex'. If you can't say it, I don't think you're ready to do it."

He has a point. She argues anyway. "Are you saying I don't know anything about it? Because...I've done things."

"With Nate?" Chuck snorted. "He would've told me."

Blair was silent.

"With  _yourself_?" Chuck sat up, regarding her with considerably more interest than he had a few moments before. Blair, for her part, had gone bright pink. "Why, Blair Waldorf, I didn't think you had it in you."

"I haven't had it in me...yet," she said cheekily, earning a laugh.

"Maybe I was wrong about you," Chuck conceded, adjusting his bowtie and - thankfully - not leering at her. "You still can't say it, though. You're a bit of a prude."

~*~

“What’s going on?” Nate asks, half of a chuckle in his voice. His confusion should be adorable, but right now it's just irritating. She's trying to launch herself at him in a sexy and not-at-all-desperate way and he's just slowing down proceedings. 

Her response is to push him onto the bed. “I wanna do this… _it_ …now.” Dammit, Chuck was right.

And there's so little passion in the way Nate's hands roam over her, so little magic in the way they kiss, though they're trying. They're trying so hard to be something they're not. Still, Blair has her Prince Charming; no one ever said the sex had to be good.

“ _Now_ now?” Nate responds as she climbs on top of him, beginning to get him out his jacket. “I thought you wanted to wait.”

“Not anymore.”

She kisses him deeply, wishing it would set off butterflies in her stomach. She's kissing and touching and feeling nothing at all.

~*~

Chuck was fourteen when he lost his virginity, and Blair remembers this because he told  _everyone_ about it. Repeatedly. He was so proud of himself, going  _on_ and  _on_ about how the woman (and it had been a  _woman_ , a twenty-something who should've known better) had been one of his father's business associates, how she'd had tits and a cunt (all fairly standard to Blair, but she supposed for a guy they must have been something of a novelty).

Nate had been thrilled for his best friend, and Blair had been self-conscious. That summer was one of the worst of her life, all crippling insecurity and trying to hide her bulimia from everyone. The thought of Nate - perfect, gorgeous Nate - seeing her naked, exposed...

"I want to wait," she told Nate that night. 

"Okay," he said, and the next day Chuck apologised to her - actually  _apologised_ \- for making her feel uncomfortable. Sure, it was a twisted sort of apology, sounding like it was clawing its way out of his throat (and Nate had probably forced him to do it, in all honesty) but, as anyone who had ever received a Chuck Bass apology would testify, it was nothing short of stunning.

~*~

“I love you…Nate Archibald. Always have, always will.” She thinks love is proximity, sometimes. She’s been with Nate so long it would be impossible _not_ to love him…the same way she loves Serena, Eric…even _Chuck_. They’ve all known each other so long, grown up together. The fact that she can’t be sure whether the love she feels is romantic—based as it is on the idea that she _should_ find Nate attractive—is irrelevant. So she’s never felt passion towards her own boyfriend; it’s safer this way.

Love is proximity, and she loves Nate.

There’s too long a pause before Nate replies with his obligatory, “I love you, too.” Blair wonders if he’s seen Gossip Girl yet. She wishes it didn’t matter.

And then, just as her dress is coming off her shoulders and she’s beginning to actually _feel_ something, there’s a knock on the door.

“Blair, it’s Serena!”

Nate pulls away like Serena’s name is a honing beacon and he repeats dumbly, “Serena?” like the name is all he needs to survive—and abruptly Blair feels trashy and undignified. Here she is, throwing herself at a boy who will always choose her best friend over her.

“Serena’s at school,” she insists shamelessly, trying to pull his face back to hers. “Kiss me.”

She sounds as desperate as she feels; she sees a hint of what looks like disgust in her boyfriend’s eyes before he turns away again. “No, I just heard your mom say she’s here,” he says. And maybe she’s not _in love_ with him, but the rejection still slams through her with enough force that she deflates, stops trying to pull him back. Nate must notice, continues with a soft, “Don’t you wanna go say hey?”

As if this is her decision.

“Yeah…totally,” she lies.

~*~

They exit the room from different doors…and there she is. Irritatingly perfect, as usual; she’s just stepped off a train and yet she’s radiant.

There are a flurry of greetings, pleasantries and fake smiles. Blair doesn’t want it to be this way, but it’s been a year. She hasn’t spoken to Serena in so long that she’s forgotten how, and she’s so embittered by Gossip Girl’s accusations that her words come off cold.

“Come, we’re about to have dinner,” she says, knowing full well that Nate is still staring at Serena. It prickles across her back.

Eleanor starts ushering Serena through the hall, saying something about setting an extra place, her voice full of an unfamiliar warmth—as it always is when it comes to Serena. As it never is when it comes to Blair.

“Yeah, actually, um,” Serena says awkwardly, breaking away from the cluster, “there’s somewhere I have to go.”

“You’re leaving?” Blair’s not yet sure whether she’s disappointed or relieved.

“Yeah, I—I just—I don’t feel well. I just wanted to come by and say hi. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” And then she’s leaving, trailing male leers in her wake, and Blair may not know the new Serena as her best friend, but she sure as hell knows she’s hiding something.

Blair backs up to the wall, seeing that Kati and Is have managed to disentangle themselves from Chuck. “School?” she murmurs to herself. “So I guess she’s back for good.”

“Didn’t you know she was coming?” Kati asks, in the way that Blair knows means she’s mentally constructing her next Gossip Girl tip.

“Of course I did. I just…wanted it to be a surprise.”

She can feel Chuck’s gaze on her, can see him out of the corner of her eye. She resolutely ignores him.

~*~

She didn’t have any friends after Serena left. She had a flawless, clueless boyfriend, she had loyal minions, and she had Dorota. So no one could blame her when, in the end, she turned to Chuck. He was—strangely—the only other person she knew who was willing to endure Audrey Hepburn movie marathons on a Friday night, and although she still wouldn’t call them _close_ , exactly, they definitely had more in common than Blair would previously have cared to admit.

~*~

Later, in bed with the lights out, she checks her phone—as if it’s a secret she doesn’t want revealed.

"Word is that S. bailed on B.’s party in under 90 seconds and didn’t even have one limoncello. Has our bad girl really gone good? Or is it all just part of the act?"

Blair considers this, considers the idea that Serena had ever really been _bad_. Sure, Blair remembers regularly having to hold the girl’s hair back while she puked, but Serena had always meant well, had never intended to hurt anyone. She also remembers how Serena had been the life of every party, coaxing everyone into dancing, getting even Blair to let her hair down. She remembers a couple of drunken kisses, giggling into each other’s mouths where nobody could see. A couple of stolen moments, just for themselves. Blair touches her fingers to her lips.

"Why’d she leave? Why’d she return? Send me all the deets. And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell…the only one. xoxo, Gossip Girl."

She falls asleep for two hours, and when she wakes up, she has a plan. It’s to protect her boyfriend from _himself_ , from any bad decisions he might make.

She texts Chuck.

_can u ask n. bout s.?_

The reply comes seconds later.

_kinda in the middle of smth here, its midnight u kno? i’ll ask him tmrrw. dont think think he’ll tell me if hes cheating on u tho._

She wrinkles her nose at the thought of what exactly Chuck is ‘in the middle’ of before replying.

_b subtle. hes not cheating on me. he wouldnt. just need 2 kno how he feels about her._

~*~

Jenny Humphrey’s invitations are certainly beautiful. She can’t be given too much praise, though (Is and Katie’s heap of over-indulgent compliments might go to her head) so Blair settles on a condescending, “Not bad work.” She picks out Jenny’s own invitation and hands it to the excited blonde, smiling unkindly. “And here’s yours, as promised.”

“Thanks,” Jenny says, just as Serena appears, looking both like she’s just rolled out of bed and walked out of a fashion magazine simultaneously.

“Hey,” she says, friendly. “Here you guys are. I looked all over the dining hall for you.” She can’t be expected to know that the girls relocated to the steps of the Met months ago, but Blair thinks it’s her own fault for leaving. A lot has changed. Serena turns to Jenny, effortlessly charming, and greets her with a sunny, “Oh, hi, I’m Serena.” Jenny looks starstruck.

“I know.” There’s a minute pause during with Jenny realises she’s made a faux pas, hastily amending with a, “I mean, hi, I’m Jenny.”

“Hi,” Serena repeats (stupidly, Blair thinks snidely). She lets out a nervous laugh, and then her eyes fall on the box of invitations. “So…when’s the party?”

“Saturday,” Blair responds, tilting her head to the side. “And…you’re kinda not invited…since until 12 hours ago, everyone thought you were at boarding school. Now we’re full, and, uh, Jenny used up all the invites.” Blair feels her vindictive nature spiralling out of control as the words come out, coated in her sugary tone. She glares sweetly at her so-called ‘best friend’.

“Um, actually—” Jenny begins.

“You can go now,” Blair interrupts, fury boiling illogically inside her.

Jenny leaves on command, and Blair turns back to Serena. “Sorry,” she says, injecting the word with emptiness.

“No, that’s okay,” Serena replies, giving back as good as she’s getting. “I got a lot of stuff to do anyway.”

“Well, we should get going then,” Blair smiles, rising to her feet. Kati and Is follow; she’s trained them well. “Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you still got a lot of yogurt left.”

“No, go ahead…” Once she’s past Serena, Blair feels something like relief. Until, that is, “Blair, think we could meet tonight?”

“I’d love to, but I’m doing something with Nate tonight.” Doing _it_ with Nate tonight, her mind amends.

“The Palace. 8:00? Nate will wait.”

Blair grits her teeth, feeling helpless and not wanting to show her weakness in front of the minions—the minions she stole from Serena when she left.

“I could probably do a half-hour,” she concedes.

“Thanks for making the time.” Serena’s voice is colder now. Hostile. It’s a good thing, Blair thinks; it makes it easier to forget.

“You’re my best friend,” Blair replies carefully. Then she leaves.

~*~

She gets the text halfway through biology.

_ur in the clear. nates a one woman man._

Blair sighs happily to herself, typing a quick response under the table.

_thx chuck. remind me 2 think of a way 2 repay u._

Her phone vibrates mere moments later.

_i can think of a few suggestions._

_ur disgusting. do u think u could talk 2 s. as well? we’re meeting @ the palace 2nite, didnt ur dad just buy the place?_

_im starting to feel like more of a slave than a friend, but ok._

Blair smiles, spending a few seconds more reading the latest Gossip Girl blast.

"Spotted on the steps of the Met: an S. and B. power struggle. Did S. think she could waltz home, and things would be just like they were? Did B. think S. would go down without a fight? Or can these hotties work it out? There’s nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight, and this could be a classic."

Blair wonders which one sent the tip: Kati or Is? It’s only worth a few seconds of consideration before she rolls her eyes and stuffs the phone back into her bag.

~*~

“So how’s your mom doing with the divorce and everything?”

The Palace has a nice bar and good drinks. Blair sips on her martini and chooses to ignore the mounting anger inside her in favour of listening to the Amy Whinehouse song spilling through the speakers.

“Great,” she replies. “So my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It’s been good for her.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, I could tell, since you didn’t call or write the entire time it was happening.” She’s always been good at unleashing the venom. Call it a talent.

“No, I—I know, I was just—boarding school is like—” But no, excuses don’t get to come that easy.

“I don’t even know why you went to boarding school to begin with. Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn’t show up at school and having your mom say, ‘Serena didn’t tell you that she moved to Connecticut?’” She tries to keep the pain out of her voice, but it’s a losing battle.

“I just…I—I had to go. I just—I needed to get away from everything. Please, just trust me.”

 _Definitely_ hiding something, Blair thinks. Or several things. That’s always been Serena’s way.

“How can I trust you when I feel like I don’t even know you?” she asks.

“Let’s fix that,” Serena tries, fake brightness colouring her tone. “I saw you at school with—with Kati and Is, and I—I get it. I—I don’t want to take any of that away from you…”

“Because it’s just _yours_ to take if you want it,” Blair interrupts, anger rising again.

“No, that—that’s not what I mean. I…I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be—you know, walking to school together, dancing on tables at Bungalow, night swimming at your mom’s country house. You were like my sister,” Serena says, genuine in a way only she can be. The phrasing strikes a wrong chord with Blair, but she still finds herself fighting back tears. “You know, and with our families…we need each other.”

Blair scoffs, but the words are breaking her defences so easily that she can feel her resolve crumbling. Just like always: a few words from Serena and she’s helpless. She thinks that maybe things haven’t changed so much after all.

“Well…you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn’t such a tragedy, it would’ve been funny. Actually, it kind of was.”

They both dissolve into the first genuine laughs of the reunion.

“Hmm,” Serena grins, “well, I wish I could’ve been there.”

“You are now,” Blair says, and she realises—to her own chagrin—that all is forgiven, as easily as that. “I have to meet Nate,” she continues hastily. “Kinda have something special planned.”

“Well, I don’t want to keep you, but, um…” Serena steps forward, enveloping Blair in a comforting hug. “I love you, B.”

And it’s the truth—maybe even too much of it—when Blair replies, “I love you, too, S.”

~*~

She checks Gossip Girl while she’s lighting the candles.

"Spotted at the Palace hotel—S. and B. having a heart-to-heart. Hmm, why so thirsty, S.? You may have won over B. for now, but we still think you’re hiding something."

As blasts go, it’s quite vague, so Blair ignores it. She thinks Serena’s hiding something, too, but her best friend is more important to her than rumours.

So she continues lighting candles and she practises her most seductive face in the mirror, and she tries to make everything perfect because she knows that this will be anything but.

Nate arrives late, because he always does, and she’s been sitting in the same position for at least ten minutes, but it’s worth it, because damn—she looks _good_ , and he’d be crazy not to appreciate it. It should be worth it, she thinks, but his “wow” sounds more pained than awed, and the candlelight pricks her eyes.

“Hi,” she says, and her voice doesn’t break.

He replies, “Hi,” and he doesn’t say anything else, and he doesn’t leap forward to ravish her, and she’s more sure in that moment than she’s ever been that he doesn’t love her.

“Is it too much? I want it to be special,” she says desperately, rising to her feet and capturing his lips in a kiss.

He pulls away.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Look, I don’t know how to say this…or if it’s even the right thing to do, but, um…there’s something I need to tell you.”

And he tells her.

He tells her about the champagne, about dancing on the bar, about Serena in her pretty, short bridesmaid’s dress. Serena loves to kiss people when she’s drunk. Blair knows.

“But…that was it. You guys kissed.” She hates herself for being this pathetic, for knowing that if he says yes she’ll take him back with no hesitation.

She also knows that he won’t say yes.

“I—we were drunk, and she was all over me, and Blair, I’m so sorry. It just happened. I wish I could take it back but – ”

“I knew it!” she yells, tears sparking behind her eyes. She feels so, so exposed. “I always knew there was something. Get out!”

He doesn’t try to stay.

That’s the worst of it, really. He doesn’t care about her enough not to leave, and she’s left alone to sob until her carcass of a body is dry, hating Nate and hating Serena and hating herself. Nate is probably relieved. He never liked keeping secrets.

When she’s calmed down enough that she feels empty, she picks up her phone. There’s two texts, one from Kati (about some reality show Blair keeps meaning to watch) and the other’s from Chuck.

_i’m sorry._

She doesn’t know what for. Maybe Serena or Nate told him, too. Maybe more people know about her humiliation.

She’s too upset to remember that when Chuck apologises, it’s for something _big_.

~*~

"And just when B. and S. had built a bridge, it all had to come crashing down. But dry your eyes, the _Kiss on the Lips_ party is around the corner. And you know who loves parties? Gossip Girl."

It’s Blair who sends the anonymous tip—she doesn’t reveal what it is that Serena did because that’s not something she ever wants people to know—and she feels slightly better for doing it. More like herself.

She taps a neatly manicured nail against the phone and lifts the corner of her mouth. It’s a weak impression of a smile, but it’s enough to start feeling more like herself. It’s enough to feel like the world isn’t crashing down around her—not quite, anyway. Maybe she’ll find someone to kiss her at the party, someone who isn’t Nate. After over a decade of being with the same boy, the prospect of something else seems liberating.

~*~

_Can we meet?_

She stares at the text for a long time. It seems oddly formal, coming from Nate. Only three words, and she’s back to over-analysing like a crazy person. No, she tells herself. It doesn’t matter.

_sure_

She deliberately crafts her response so that it gives nothing away, offers nothing. For once, Nate’s going to have to be the one putting in the effort. She’s wasted so much time obsessing over him when he’s never given anything in return and she’s sick of it. So she waits for him to give a time and a place and she barely even plans her outfit. Progress.

~*~

“Thanks for meeting me,” Nate offers after they’ve both ordered and their food has arrived in stony silence. Her reply is to stab her chopsticks into the food on her plate, feeling too angrily nauseous to actually eat anything. “Look, Blair, I—I really hurt you, and I know that, and I wanna fix it.”

“Really? And how are you gonna do that?” she demands.

“I’m gonna put everything in the past. I’m not gonna see Serena again or even talk to her. It’ll be like she doesn’t exist.”

It sounds appealing, it really does. She listens to the music infiltrating the restaurant to avoid showing Nate any genuine emotion; after seeing her break down, he doesn’t deserve to know what she’s feeling. _Splashing around in the muck and the mire._ She stares him down for a few seconds longer, evaluative, before pasting the fakest smile in her arsenal onto her face, letting out a breath. Nate should see through the façade, even a bystander might, but he won’t. She knows he won’t, and it continues to hurt.

“I think that’s a good idea. Let’s not mention it again,” she says. She pastes on her best Girlfriend Smile and reaches over to his plate, chopsticks in hand. “You gonna eat that?”

“That’s it?” Nate responds, disbelieving. “Because you were pretty upset last night.” She wishes he wouldn’t mention that. “I mean, should we talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Blair says. The food feels like it’s turning rotten in her stomach. She wishes she could dash to the bathroom and… “I overreacted. If you say it’s in the past, it’s in the past. I’m sure you have no feelings for her anymore.”

 _Now hang me up to dry._ There’s more silence as Nate attempts to compute her words. He’s nice but he’s clueless, and he’ll never twig that she’s lying. It’s better that way. When he still says nothing, she continues, her voice gaining strength with every new, lying word that forces itself from between her lips.

“I just feel bad for Serena. She’ll really miss you,” she says, and the worst thing is that it’s true. Serena probably loves Nate just as much as he loves her. “What time does the limo come?” she asks, to distract herself more than anything else. She already knows; she’s had every second of this party planned for weeks.

“8:00,” Nate responds on cue. There’s a frown on his face, though; maybe he’s smarter than she gives him credit for.

“Perfect,” Blair says, looking at her watch. She gets up to leave because her smile feels corrosive, eating away at her skin. _Now hang me up to dry._

~*~

She keeps smoothing the dress over her stomach—maybe if she does it enough she can erase the bulge there. Twisting and turning in front of the mirror only shows her all the angles that will be picked apart on Gossip Girl later: the way she’s got no chest to speak of and her waist doesn’t tuck in quite enough; she’s straight up, straight down as her mother likes to say. Boring. No wonder Nate doesn’t want her. And the colour’s wrong, too.

Her mother barges in without knocking, as usual.

“Blair, let me see how it looks,” she simpers. Then, as she catches a glimpse of her daughter: “Why are you wearing that one? Didn’t you see the dress I left on the bed?”

“I like this one,” Blair says. She’s lying, but there’s a hint of truth; she does like it better than the one her mother laid out for her. At least she picked this one out herself.

“ _This_ one is not as elegant a choice as _that_ one,” her mother insists, coming to stand beside her, Blair breaks away contemptuously, refusing to be the perfect image of mother and daughter standing in front of the mirror. That’s not her story.

“Why do you care so much?” she demands.

“Because I love you,” Eleanor Waldorf says, sticking to the script. “Blair, you will never be more beautiful or thin or happy than you are right now.” Her stifling presence is back, her fingers running through the loose strands of Blair’s hair. Despite herself, Blair finds herself smiling ruefully. She doesn’t feel beautiful or thin or happy. Apparently it’s all downhill from here. “I just want you to make the most of it.”

“I guess I have time to change,” she responds. Of course she does; there’s still over an hour before the limo comes to pick her up.

“And put some product in your hair. The ends are dry.”

She scoffs gently as her mom leaves, touching the offending patches of hair. It stings, the reminder that she’s never good enough to please her mother. The standard is too high. The standard is Serena.

~*~

She’s knocked back two glasses of champagne already and they’re still in the limo. For the first time all day, though, she feels happy, surrounded by people who are smiling and complimenting her. Kati and Is are disposable but kind (to her face) and once she’s seated in between Nate and Chuck, Chuck commandeers most of her attention, for which she’s grateful. He doesn’t mention the apology or anything to do with her and Nate and she’s more than happy to pretend that ignorance really is bliss. After all, he’s the one who keeps topping up her glass.

Nate still seems out of it, and eventually Chuck gets bored of her and moves over to Kati and Is, but she feels content, pleasantly tipsy.

Once they arrive, she slips more easily than ever into the role of the perfect girlfriend as Nate helps her from the limo. People are watching but it’s more than okay because this is Blair Waldorf in her prime, fixing her boyfriend’s bowtie and having pictures of her snapped, to be uploaded to Gossip Girl at the end of the night.

Inside the hall is even better. People dressed up to the nines leaping forward to kiss her cheeks and tell her how much fun they’re having, how beautiful the place looks, how well she’s done to organise it. How gorgeous her dress, hair, shoes, bag, jewellery is. She thanks them easily enough and doesn’t think about where Nate is. Tonight is her night—never mind that they’d usually be greeting people as a couple. It doesn’t matter.

She glances to her left for a moment to see Chuck with Jenny Humphrey, the girl clearly thrilled to be receiving attention from one of the richest people at the party. Blair still frowns slightly—the girl must know his reputation, surely?

It doesn’t concern her for very long, or least, not until Is sidles up to her once more, phone in hand. “Have you seen Gossip Girl?” she shouts over the music.

Blair takes the device from her hand and scans the paragraph.

"Looks like Little J. might end up with a new boy and a ticket to the inner circle. Or will C. end up with another victim? I told you I love parties."

She looks up to see the couple in question heading upstairs and groans inwardly. She’d liked Jenny in her own way—she was annoyingly overeager, but there was something in her hopeful naïveté that made her cute. Going upstairs with Chuck, though—that was a terrible idea. She wouldn’t get the first girl to think she’d got to his heart after she’d got in his pants, and she’d get dumped somewhat cruelly by the most emotionally void person Blair knew.

Another half an hour and she’s entirely forgotten about Chuck’s whereabouts—she’s dancing with a couple of girls from the year above and is on her sixth (maybe seventh) glass of champagne. Years of practise mean that her inebriation is undetectable to anyone else. She’s on her way to being happily drunk, until she hears Kati and Is say something that lands like a bucket of cold water.

“Serena’s here?”

“What is she doing here? She wasn’t invited,” Blair hisses, stalking across the dance floor towards the door.

Before she can reach Serena, though, she feels a hand on her arm. Nate. “C’mon, Blair, are you really gonna kick her out?”

“Did _you_ invite her?”

She knows it’s illogical—Jenny Humphrey is the most likely culprit, the conniving bitch—but her insecurity surfaces far more easily after all she’s had to drink.

“What? No! God, I told you…” Nate insists.

“Do _not_ talk to her,” Blair warns him, clamping a hand on his arm.

Nate’s face is unreadable, but she knows he’ll resent her—even more than he already does—for telling him what to do. “I was going for a walk,” he says snappishly.

He stalks past Serena and out of the door, leaving Serena to look helplessly in Blair’s direction. For the first time, Blair wonders if Nate had told Serena after he spilled their secret. Based on Serena’s expression, he did. She clearly knows that Blair is fully aware of what happened at the wedding. Blair holds her gaze for a couple more seconds, allowing herself the luxury of drinking in Serena’s guilt, before she looks away and decides to ignore her instead of causing a scene. She walks away, refusing to look behind her.

It’s five or ten minutes later that she sees Serena, this time holding hands with a boy Blair only vaguely recognises and following Jenny Humphrey out of the party. She stares after her for a couple of seconds, anger and regret warring inside her. If she could rewind to a year ago, Serena would be telling her all about the boy holding her hand—they would have gotten ready for the party together, would have done each other’s hair and painted each other’s nails. If things would rewind to a year ago, Blair wouldn’t feel so empty.

Just as she decides to follow Serena—to make a scene or to desperately apologise, she doesn’t know—she sees her and mystery boy getting into a cab, speeding off into the darkness. She feels more than sees Chuck come up behind her, and if her voice cracks when she says, “She better not show her face again,” she knows he won’t mention it.

“I’m actually hoping she will,” he responds, echoing Blair’s inner monologue. Finally, she turns to look at him, smiling at the burgeoning bruise on his face. Maybe Jenny punched him after he used one of his terrible pick-up lines. Before she can ask him about it, he’s melted back into the crowd, probably to find the next freshman he can seduce. She listens to the song pulsating from the hall, feeling the fresh air on her face.

_You won me over in no time at all…_

~*~

"Spotted—Serena making a heroic exit from B.’s party. Too bad for her there’s school on Monday. So until next time— You know you love me. xoxo, Gossip Girl."

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think! i'm not really sure whether to take this in a blair/chuck or blair/serena direction so if you have a preference, comment x


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